Tuesday, July 29, 2014
It came down to today. Today was the decision on if I was going to get hired as the Head Strength and Conditioning Coach at Dakota State University.
Today, I achieved one goal I set last May when I arrived at the University of Northern Iowa. I wrote down in my journal, "I am going to be the Head Strength and Conditioning Coach at a University. And well, it has happened.
I've failed so many times along the way. I've experienced ecstasy and brutal disappointment. My journey has hardly even begun. And if I were to die today, I would die knowing my time here was wall spent.
The amount of gratitude and gratefulness for all of you is not able to be expressed. And it shouldn't be attempted either. Some things are better left unsaid. But, thank you, all of you. I remember everything. I remember the positivity and the negativity. I remember being a scared boy for 20 some years of my life. And I remember who accepted me once I took the steps into the unknown. I remember all of you.
This work saves me every day. It saves me from the slow death of doing something I despise and see no purpose. It gives me energy to get up a 4am to start working. It gives me rushes of dopamine when ideas surface. And it shows me my biggest fears. It leads me to the darkness to see if I really have what it takes. Let me tell you, no one has faced more demons than me. They are mostly if not all self-induced but they were real. And these demons still come back. But the more I flex my courage muscle, the less of a hold they have. The less power they possess. And that is my purpose on this earth, in this body. It is to fully embrace my gifts and share them with the world. Not everyone will like me. Some will hate me. And that's all apart of the process.
"It's not what you get along the way, it's about you who become"
I'm working on a short book to chronicle my internal struggles from childhood to the present day. Not to pat myself on the back or be all about me, but to show those of you who have spent the majority of their lives in the dumps that there is hope. I've been DEEP in the gutter. I've had countless thoughts of "what the hell am I doing here" and "I don't want to live." But I knew in the back of my mind I was just scared. I was intensely scared to live my life authentically. I wanted to fit in more than I wanted to succeed. But all that is over now.
Yesterday I bought 3 domains. One of which is GETUNCOMFORTABLE.TV
This is going to be dedicated to anything and everything that makes me get uncomfortable. Think of it as me choosing to give free hugs in a mall versus me training. I would choose training more often. And as a result, I will do the opposite.
This will all be chronicled on the website with 90% videos and 10% written word. Hopefully podcasts can happen but I'm being selfish with this. I'm doing it for me but in that, I hope someone draws inspiration to live their most authentic life possible and master fear in the process.
Again, so much gratitude is pouring out of me. I couldn't have done this without the help of Zachary Fears Matt Sagar and Loren Liming for believing in me, working with me, pushing me and being there whenever I needed them. There's too many people to tag to thank but I wanted to make sure they were mentioned. My intentions aren't to slight anyone. Because I learn from everyone I meet.
In closing, I invite you to come along for the journey I embark upon. It has just begun.