Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Release

Sigur Ros Untitled 3 brings me me back.  I am doing Elliott Hulse's Bioenergetic Routine, finishing up with the 7th of 8 exercises, when it hits me.  Shake and Vibrate initiated everything.  Totally letting go during that exercise opened me up, filling me with vulnerability.  My body tingles, vibrates and my thoughts become expansive.

Chek 90-90

My thoughts take me to the beauty of Coral.  Her majestic being, flowing in the wind.  She wears white, symbolically representing the Truth, Beauty & Goodness she possesses.  I break down.  How far have I come to deserve to share my life with such a beautiful human being?  How far have I come to be open to vulnerability at the level of breakdown crying?

Thoughts take me to the belt around my neck.  This has been a long time coming.  This I know.

I let go.  I let go of the pain---or at least part of the pain associated with dark time I call The Abyss.  The hellatious journey took me deep to places only potential heroes go.  Not everyone makes it through, however.  The fear, The Pain, and sorrow overtakes many who reach this stage.  The Belly of The Beast encapsulates us here---daring us to act.  Daring us to take one step forward.  And it is in this moment where heroes are born and potential heroes falter.

The Pain & Courage

Failing countless times led me to the moment in the mirror, The Abyss.  Belt around my neck---the retching Pain I could have boomed with the earth if only I screamed it all out.  As I looked into the eyes of a terrified boy searching within himself to take that step, something said.

"Why Not?
Why not see what happens?
Courageously take that step forward for the rest of your life and see if any good comes of it.
Just see."

So I saw.  I decided to take a step forward.  And in that step, I found resistance, more Pain---but of a different nature.  Boy did it feel better though.  It wasn't the Pain like before.  It was different.  This Pain will never leave.  He lurks in the shadows as a reminder.  And he manipulatively says,

"IF YOU EVER Stray from your path--Your DREAMS---I'll be waiting for you.  I'll be there at an instant."

Something else lingers too.  Her name, is Courage.  She calmly assures me,

"If you ever stray from your path, if you ever stop following your dreams, even if only for a single day---even if The Pain is waiting for you and grasps you---REMEMBER---Remember how you took one step forward that day in The Abyss.  Only this time, instead of a lifetime of pain you felt, this will only be a single day's pain.  And you know you can squash that pain easily.  Your strength impresses us up here in the Cosmos.  We talk about it a lot.  Even He, The Pain talks about your strength.  He knows he will never beat you down like before.  He is, however, persistent.  He will try to manipulate you---just like he does everyone.  But he truly knows he is no match for you.  This, you have shown.  And knowing this, it is your duty as you already know, to Shine Your Light so others can be resistant to Him as well.

Shine Your Light, Alex.  We will be watching the show."

Today was a great step in releasing the hold He (The Pain) had on me.  But, He had a hold on me for a long time so it will take more steps forward like today to fully release.

And I am ready.  I am ready to Shine My Light.

Yeha Noha,

Shine Your Light

A Very Special thanks and gratitude goes out to my mentor, Elliott Hulse.  We have never met and he does not know me, but all of his work helps me beyond words.

If you are interested in the Bioenergetic Routine that brought me to taking the step forward today, I invited you to watch the video below and check out everything Elliott Hulse.  Although he uses the mantra, Become the Strongest Version of Yourself, I can't help by adopt it myself.  And I'm sure he would be OK with that.  Take Care.

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